A Winkle In Time

A Winkle In Time
Production Details
Written by	Jeremy Lloyd & Paul Adam
Director	John B. Hobbs
Transmission Details
Airdate	14 December 1992
Continuity
Previous	A Fishy Send Off
Next	The Best Of 'Allo 'Allo!

René and the others are preparing the celebrations for when the allies arrive to liberate the town from the Germans. As René and Edith are discussing the invasion, officer Crabtree shows up at the café, telling them, that the British and the Yankees are near and shows them where they are on a map. It seems the Americans will arrive first and therefore, they choose to prepare the café in a more American style.

When Edith has gone to get some records with American music, Yvette asks to talk to René in the backroom. She reminds him of his promise to marry her when the invasion had begun, but he reminds her, that he had promised to marry her, when the war was over, which will be when the allies arrive at the café. As they have a quick cuddle, they are interrupted by somebody knocking at the window. When they open it, they cannot believe their eyes, since it is - the two British airmen Fairfax and Carstairs. They try to tell René and Yvette, that they have been shot down and need shelter until the allies get there. Since René and Yvette do not understand them, there are a few misunderstandings, until Mimi calls them out into the café, where Michelle, dressed as an undertaker, wants to talk to René.

Both Mimi and Michelle are shocked to see the airmen again. However, it is soon decided they will be hidden in the cellar. Before they go down there, Edith comes down stairs and she is also shocked to see them. Then, Michelle informs René and Edith that she and monsieur Alfonse are going to blow up the German ammunition dump outside town, by driving monsieur Alfonse's hearse, which is loaded with explosives, up on a hill and let it roll down towards the dump, blowing it up. René is soon persuaded to join them.

Helga announces general Von Klinkerhoffen, who enters colonel Von Strohm's office with a machine gun in his hands. He forbids the colonel and lieutenant Gruber to retreat or surrender - they will fight to the last man and the last bullet. He hands over the gun to Gruber, informs them that anyone caught escaping will be shot, and leaves. As the general has placed a guard by their front door, they tie some longjohns together to climb out the window.

Mimi, Edith and Yvette play the Andrews Sisters' Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy on a gramophone in the café, practicing miming to it, while waiting for the allies. While they are doing this, René comes into the café, a cauliflower in his hand and onions hanging around his neck. He turns off the record and informs them, that the blowing up of the ammunition dump failed, but that they hit a vegetable van instead. While René gives the vegetables to Mimi to put in the kitchen and let Yvette tend to the bar, he and Edith go upstairs to radio London.

Madame Fanny and monsieur LeClerc are sleeping, but wake up, when René and Edith move the bed and the bedknobs start flashing. When they have told London that the blowing up failed, they hang up and René says that was the last message he would send and for him, the war is over. The next moment, the bedroom door is opened by colonel Von Strohm, who says "You're right René". Gruber says "I knew it all along. You are a resistance fighter." Madame Fanny then points out that he is not just any resistance fighter - he is Nighthawk, the hero of the resistance. As the war is nearly over, the Germans decide to turn a blind eye, as long as they can have the painting to escape with it and sell it. However, René does not know where it is. He put it between two menus for safekeeping, and now it is gone. As Gruber points out, that without the painting, the game is up for them, monsieur LeClerc in addition tells them, that the British commandos will arrive shortly. As the two Germans want to surrender to somebody else, Edith suggests the airmen in the cellar.

As they go down into the cellar, the airmen think they are about to capture them and all four try to surrender to each other, since the Germans do not speak English and the airmen do not speak German. Von Strohm then comes up with the idea, that they disguise themselves in the airmen's uniforms and thus escape. It takes another few misunderstandings, before the airmen understand that they want their clothes and give them to them.

Herr Flick, herr Von Smallhausen and Helga are gathered in herr Flick's headquarters. As the allies are only hours away, herr Flick decides to try his last escape resort. As Von Smallhausen pulls back the clothes screen, he reveals a "midget submarine" consisting of two tin baths put together. Herr Flick tells Helga, that for the last year, Von Smallhausen has been digging a tunnel on its way to the river and this is how the escape will be done. As Helga rejects the offer of escaping with him, he lets Von Smallhausen open the wall of the room, revealing a long tunnel. As Helga asks for her share of the ten million francs, herr Flick says she cannot have it. However, he gives her the missing booby from the painting as a memento.

When the allies finally arrive at the café, it is not the Americans but British forces. They try to tell the café gang, that the town is now under allied control and that they will receive the formal German surrender at the café. As they do not understand English, they do not understand this, but at least they understand when the commander says he wants to talk to "Reeny Artoys, alias Nighthawk of the resistance". He then awards René the MBF medal (which stands for "Magnificent Brother of France" - or "Mad Bloody Frog" as the commandos interpret it). The next moment, colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber come up from the cellar, disguised as British airmen, and even the British think they really are. However, it is not so easy to convince them, as they cannot speak a word of English.

Suddenly, the door opens and general Von Klinkerhoffen enters the café. In order to spare the lives of his men, he has decided to surrender right then and there and hands over his sword to the British commander. As the commander speaks a little German, he accepts the surrender and asks the general where his other officers are. With a sigh, he tells him that the two British airmen are his officers.

When herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen and Helga have pushed to submarine all the way through the tunnel, Von Smallhausen says that the final wall should be the only thing between them and the river. As the two Gestapo officers climb into the submarine, Helga pushes it through the wall. However, they do not arrive at the river - but head straight into the café. They are just on time, as the British commander was just asking for the local Gestapo officers. As all Germans are taken away and put into jail for the time being, Gruber and Von Strohm ask René to put in a kind word for them. Then, René and the waitresses serve the British officers drinks and the British seem to be enjoying themselves, even considering staying for a few days. However, as Edith tries to sing "(There'll Be Bluebirds Over) The White Cliffs of Dover", they change their mind and decide to head on to Paris. René is not glad that she has scared the customers off. As Edith points out that at least for them, the war is over and they "still have each other", René replies "The price of victory is always high".

The image fades to show the square many years later. As there is graffiti on the walls and people are dressed in modern clothes, the time is clearly "the present" (then being 1992, as the episode was first broadcast then). A grey Mercedes drives into the square. As the driver steps out, it turns out to be a very old Von Strohm. The two passengers step out from the back seat and turn out to be the equally old Gruber and Helga. They spot the statue of René and then go into the café, to see if René is still there. As Gruber orders Von Strohm to wait by the car and he answers "Yes, sir", he obviously is Gruber's servant.

Inside, they find René coming out from the backroom. However, he is not old - he even looks younger than during the war, with a little more hair on his head. They are rather puzzled by this, until they present themselves to him and it turns out, that he is René's son.

The old René is using the public convenience and is helped by an equally old Yvette. When she has helped him get into his wheelchair, they spot the Mercedes and also see the driver admiring the statue of René. As they come up to him, they are overjoyed to find out it is Von Strohm and he is equally glad. He informs them, that he is the chauffeur of Gruber and Helga, who are now married and have six grown children. It also turns out, that Gruber is now a millionaire, since he became an art dealer after the war.

In madame Fanny's bedroom, the very old Edith is lying in bed, acting just like Fanny, asking for food. The equally old Mimi brings her some soup and tells her, that the Germans are visiting. She then gets out of bed and goes down to talk to them.

In the square, Gruber and Helga say hello to René. As Helga says she thought René would have married Edith by now, Yvette says he never got round to it, but he has promised to marry her, when they have found the painting, which went missing at the end of the war and has been gone ever since. Gruber then wonders whose son René Junior is and René tells him, that he was an orphaned baby left on the doorstep of the café. The next moment, Gruber points to the statue with his walking cane and accidentally knocks one of the arms off it. As the statue is hollow, they find something rolled up inside the broken arm. As René pulls out the dusty canvas, it turns out to be the portrait of The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. Helga then picks the missing booby out of her handbag, finally reuniting it with the rest of the painting.

As the others go to talk to Edith, who has come outside, Yvette rolls René (who is holding the painting and the missing booby) to the Germans' car. The two of them get into it and start the engine. Yvette is overjoyed that René finally keeps his promise to start a new life with her. Naturally, the others are somewhat puzzled as to their behaviour and as Edith for the last time asks "René, what are you doing with that serving girl?", René replies "You stupid woman! Can you not see ... I am eloping!" and drives out of the square, with the others slowly chasing after the car.

Quotes

(Final lines)
Edith: "René!  What are you doing with that serving girl?"
René:  "You stupid woman! Can you not see ... I am eloping!"