Awful Wedded Wife

Awful Wedded Wife
Production Details
Written by	Jeremy Lloyd & Paul Adam
Director	John B. Hobbs
Transmission Details
Airdate	2 February 1992
Continuity
Previous	Hitler's Last Heil
Next	Firing Squashed

Plot

Yvette presses René to marry her, but he is still reluctant. However, she has spoken to the priest again and tells René, that they can be married "as soon as convenient". After he has held her and, as usual, has had to explain to Edith why, she is sent upstairs to lie down in bed. Edith informs René, that she cannot sing at the café that evening, since her voice has been "damaged" after the explosion. René is not so sorry to hear it. The next moment, Mimi and Michelle enter the café and Michelle informs them, that she and her girls have mined a bridge, over which the car with Hitler and Göring will drive. They will then blow it up, to finish them off. She therefore asks for a gin bottle, containing nitroglycerine, which she has left at the café. When they are about to give it to her, they cannot find it. However, she already has enough explosives to blow it up. The girls are lying in the water beneath the bridge, standing guard. However, they are getting tired of it and the next moment, one of them even shows up at the café, with frogs in her knickers, which Mimi removes in the kitchen, so they can serve frogs legs.

Upstairs, monsieur LeClerc is making a cocktail in his hot water bottle, mixing orange juice and some gin he has found downstairs. Of course, it is the nitroglycerin and when he shakes it, it explodes.

Colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber are getting worried that they have not heard anything else from the resistance about the blackmail. Thus, the decide to make a down payment on the ransom, by giving ten percent of the money (one million francs) to René, for him to hand over to the resistance. As Gruber is stuffing the money down his trousers, Helga enters the office. As she tells them, that herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen are still in the dungeon, since the dynamite did not work, they tell her of the incident with the blowing up of the doubles. They also inform her, that it was they who acted as Hitler and Göring in the square. As Gruber shows her, by putting on his Hitler moustache, she says she is very impressed with him. He then orders her to once more go to see herr Flick and tell him, that they are contacting his godfather Heinrich Himmler to get him out.

Gruber goes over to the café and gives René the 1,000,000 francs, explaining to him about the photograph and the ransom money. He urges him to give the money to the resistance (which René, of course, does not know). When Gruber has gone, René quickly decides to take half of the money (500,000 francs) and stash it away. He then gives the other half to Yvette to give to Michelle. When René has left her with the half million, she quickly takes half of it (250,000 francs) and passes the rest on to Mimi, who equally takes half (125,000 francs) and hands the rest to Edith. She, in turn, takes another half (62,500 francs) and then gives the rest of that to Michelle, who has just entered the café. She is rather upset to only receive 62,500 francs out of ten million, but takes it and leaves to go to the hairdressers. Unfortunately, Gruber then returns and tells René that he has had second thoughts. He does not want to put him through the heavy task of contacting the resistance after all and therefore wants the money back. Thus, everybody must give their parts back, but as Michelle has already gone, they are forced to take the final 62,500 francs from the till and some spare money that Edith has on her (since they cannot tell Gruber, that they have given 1/16 of the money to the resistance without his wondering why they have not given them all of it).

Helga visists the herrs in the dungeon, disguised as an old crone, claiming to be Von Smallhausen's mother. As she tells them that they are trying to contact Himmler to get them out, herr Flick comes up with another idea. He orders Helga to go to his office and get his specially trained Gestapo homing pigeon Boris, whom he will use to send Himmler a note himself. She is to hide Boris in a fruit basket, which she will send to him in the dungeon. As the pigeon is specially trained, it will not make a sound to give itself away. However, when the fruit basket is delivered, it turns out that the guard has found Boris and cooked him for the prisoners.

Officer Crabtree enters the café, informing René and Edith of Michelle's latest plan. They are going to make a more powerful battery for the broadcasts, for which they need acid and lead. Monsieur Alfonse has the acid and they will steal the lead from the roof of the parrish church. While Yvette and Mimi, disguised as bell-ringers, ring the church bells, monsieur Alfonse will hammer and the church roof to get the lead off. Crabtree himself, René and Edith will act as lookouts.

General Von Klinkerhoffen pays Von Strohm and Gruber a visit at the office. He orders them to once more dress up as Hitler and Göring, since today is the day the doubles were due to leave for Berlin. At night, the general will disguise himself as the driver and drive Von Strohm and Gruber to the other side of the bridge, bringing them outside his jurisdiction. Then, the car will be blown up, with the bodies of the doubles inside it.

At night, the three of them start carrying out the plan. However, they are suddenly stopped by a tree lying across the road. As they light a pack of dynamites to blow the car up and then get out of it, they are fired at. When Von Strohm and Gruber get on their feet they are held up at gunpoint by Louise and the communist resistance. As they take them away (thinking they are the real Hitler and Göring), the car is blown up.

Meanwhile, the café gang visit the church to steal the lead. As René and Edith are standing guard, the priest comes by. He recognises René's voice as belonging to the anonymous gentleman who was arranging the secret marriage. Assuming that Edith is the one he is going to marry, he asks them to step inside the church, so the ceremony can be performed immediately. Edith thinks he has arranged it all as a surprise to her and is overjoyed. René is not so happy, but does not manage to explain.

Meanwhile, Mimi and Yvette are trying to ring the bells, but Mimi gets stock on the bell rope, hanging high in the air. Officer Crabtree then helps, by pulling her legs, thus ringing the bell. As the priest performs the special short version of the wedding ceremony, he firsts asks Edith, who eagerly says "I do". René is desperately looking for a way to get out of it all. Just before he is about to reluctantly say his "I do", monsieur Alfonse, who is up on the roof just above them, removes the lead pans of the roof and accidentally drops his hammer on the priest's head and he faints. Thus, René cannot say his "I do" with the priest hearing it and he is once again saved from marrying Edith.

Quotes

Mimi: (after Yvette gives her some of the ten million francs Lieutenant Gruber gave René) It would take years for an honest working girl to earn this. Lucky I'm a tart.