Hitler's Last Heil

Hitler's Last Heil
Production Details
Written by	Jeremy Lloyd & Paul Adam
Director	John B. Hobbs
Transmission Details
Airdate	26 January 1992
Continuity
Previous	A Woman Never Lies
Next	Awful Wedded Wife

Plot

René is sitting by a table in the café, being examined by the local doctor, Leconte. He is a nervous wreck, knowing that the message from general de Gaulle, which mentions his name, has been broadcast around the whole town. As Edith finds them there, she asks the doctor to check on her mother, before he goes back to his office. When they have gone upstairs, Mimi enters the café, bringing René a present, since it is his birthday. It is a hot water bottle, covered with a doll that looks like her. She soon leaves him again and he quickly hides it, when Yvette turns up and also gives him a birthday present - a torch for him to find his ways in the broom cupboard, where they have their little encounters. She also demands of him, that they go talk to the priest to arrange their marriage. He is reluctant, but is persuaded when she threatens to tell the whole town that he is the father of her child. As they are having a quick cuddle, Edith walks in on them. When René has convinced her why he was holding Yvette, she sends Yvette up to bed, since she is "feeling ill because of her pregnancy".

Edith then tells René, that she has a special birthday present for him, that will help them recapture the memories of their youth. She even wants them to recapture some of it there and then, as she asks him to kiss him. Before he is forced to, he is saved by Michelle, who enters the café, disturbing them. She brings good news, namely that the battery was too weak for the radio transmitter, meaning the broadcast was not transmitted. René is relieved at this, but becomes worried again, when officer Crabtree and monsieur Alfonse enter the café, carrying a coffin. It contains the radio transmitter, which must be hidden. It is therefore decided that it will be stored away in the attic.

After the doctor has examined madame Fanny, he says she is in very good health. She is glad to hear it, but is rather frightened when the coffin is brought into her room - thinking it is for her. They convince her that it is not and hide it under the bed. As they are all about to leave the bedroom, Edith quietly asks monsieur Alfonse if he has René's birthday present, which turns out to be a car. As Fanny wonders what they are whispering about, Edith says they are "preparing a surprise for René", to which Fanny replies "make sure you bury him good and deep".

Not knowing that colonel Von Strohm, lieutenant Gruber and private Geerhart are the real culprits, general Von Klinkerhoffen informs them that the garrison pay truck has been robbed and that he has caught the thieves, who will be shot by a firing squad. In this way, he complains about the security in the town, which must be strengthened, since field marshall Hermann Göring and Adolf Hitler themselves will be visiting the town on their way along the coastline, where they will boost the morale of the soldiers. The general then leans forward and tell the others in confidence, that it is not the real Hitler and Göring, but doubles who resemble them. The real Hitler and Göring would not dare go on such a tour, for fear of being assassinated - by the Germans.

Helga visits herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen (who are still dressed as resistance girls) in the dungeons, just to say goodbye. However, herr Flick forces her to get them out of there - otherwise he will reveal that they she, Von Strohm and Gruber were the real thieves of the pay truck. Thus, she leaves to try to break them out.

Yvette and René meet at church and go into the confession box, where they ask the priest to marry them. They will not tell him their names, but as Yvette reveals that she is pregnant, the priest thinks it urgent that they marry. As a penitence he gives them fifty Hail Marys each and tells them to come back in a week, in which time he will have made the necessary arrangements for the wedding.

In the afternoon, officer Crabtree enters the café, telling René, Edith and Mimi of Michelle's latest plan. As she has heard that Hitler and Göring are coming to Nouvion, she intends to assassinate them, by putting a time bomb on their car. Crabtree has even brought this bomb to the café and gives it to Mimi, who volunteers to put the bomb on the car.

Disguised as a nun, Helga goes to see herr Flick, under the pretext of hearing his last confession. With her, she has a basket with food, among which there is a stick of dynamite, disguised as a knockwurst sausage. Meanwhile, the general, the colonel and the lieutenant receive "Hitler" and "Göring" for lunch. The Adolf Hitler double is rather convincing as Hitler, forcing them to address him as "Mein Führer" all the time and carry out his every wish. This makes the three of them more and more angry and annoyed, but they cannot do anything.

As Helga is about to go into the dungeons with the basket, a guard demands searching it first. However, before he has a chance to do this, a kitchen maid walks by, carrying two baskets identical to Helga's in look and content, and he tries to have a cuddle with her. She is reluctant and tells him to wait until she gets off at six o'clock. However, when she continues on her way, she (unknowingly) takes Helga's basket and one of her own, while Helga (also unknowingly) takes the maid's other basket to the dungeon. While she gives herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen their escape equipment and informs them of the dynamite in the sausage, the food from her basket is prepared and brought up to Hitler's and Göring's lunch. Thus, one of the sausages on the round tray placed in the middle of the table, is a stick of dynamite. Of course, none of the Germans know this and do not notice that it starts fizzing, when Gruber turns the tray around, accidentally aligning the dynamite sausage with a burning candle on the table. The general, the colonel and the lieutenant leave the room to have the doubles' spare uniforms pressed before they inspect the troops. As the dynamite then explodes, the two doubles are instantly killed. Since the troops must see Hitler and Göring driving through town alive and well, he makes Gruber dress up as Hitler and Von Strohm as Göring, to drive them through town.

Back at the cafe, Mimi tells Michelle that she has had no luck in getting near the chateau to plant the bomb on the car, since it was too heavily guarded. As "Hitler" (Gruber) and "Göring" (Von Strohm) then arrive in the square, the café gang want to go outside to look at them, but a German soldier forces them stay inside, since nobody is allowed in the square. Mimi then decides to go down the sewer grate in the backyard and go up one of those in the square, since the Führer's car is standing right above it. When it has gone, Yvette goes to see if Mimi is alright and if she has managed to attach the bomb to the car. Meanwhile, monsieur Alfonse enters the café through the back passage, since he had to go through the back streets in order to get there. He hands over the keys to the car to Edith, who presents them to René. He is overjoyed to get a car for his birthday and they hurry out into the square to have a look at it and go for a little ride in it. As they are about to start, the car explodes. It turns out Mimi managed to attach the bomb alright, but to the wrong car.

Trivia

• Hitler's double is played by David Janson, who would later play herr Flick in series 9.

Quotes

Fanny: (Frightened after seeing a coffin being brought into her room right after a doctors visit) "I demand a second opinion! (Swinging her cane) Get out! Get out!"
René: "Shut up, you old bat!"
Ernest: (Sitting up) "What is the matter, Fanny?"
Fanny: "They are going to put me in a box! Say something, Ernest!"
Ernest: "What sort of flowers would you like?"

Helga: (Dressed as a nun) "Any chance of a lift?"
Lt. Gruber: "I'm afraid not, Helga. It is against regulations to give lifts to hitchhiking nuns".
Helga: "Male chauvinist pig! Oops!" (She looks skywards and puts her hands together in prayer)