Plot[]
René is in the café, taking some pills to calm his nerves after the adventure at the chateau. Edith comes in, informing him that the French general in the cellar is still unconscious. The next moment, they let in monsieurs Alfonse and LeClerc, having caught the duck. It turns out it is not dead, but sleeping in the basket they have brought to catch it in.
The airmen discuss escaping plans in prison, one of them being stealing Gruber's little tank, fighting their way down to the docks in the harbour, stealing a submarine and fleeing to England.
Colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber are in the colonel's office, studying a plan of the sawmill, drawn by LeClerc. The two paintings ("The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies" and "The Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies") are somewhere inside. Gruber asks how many of the communist resistance people who are defending the mill and the colonel explains to him, that it does not matter - since they will let captain Bertorelli and his platoon lead the assault. When they have cleared out the communists, Gruber will burst in with his tank and nick the paintings, having brought René to tell him where they are.
Helga announces captain Bertorelli. After they have given him and his men the assignment to fight the communists, general Von Klinkerhoffen arrives. He complains of the security at the conference, where they were all almost poisoned. It turns out that René was the only one except the generals who knew about the conference and the general therefore wants him shot. He also urges the officers to recover the missing paintings.
At the café, René, Edith and Yvette meet with Michelle in the backroom. They inform her that the duck is in no condition to fly to England and she informs them, that the photograph they took is useless, since there are no marks, arrows or anything on it. René becomes very upset and threatens to resign and leave the resistance. They try to talk him out of it, but he has made up his mind. Michelle then asks the others to leave, to let her have a private word with him. When the two of them are alone in the backroom, she pretends to be in love with him, in order to convince him to stay. After a while, they come out of the room, René's clothes a bit askew, informing them that René will stay in the resistance and that they must contact London at once. As they try this, Fanny complains there is a duck in her bed. They explain that it needs the rest and it turns out, it has laid an egg. The next moment, Mimi and Yvette barge in, telling them that Gruber is coming upstairs with a soldier to arrest René. He hides in the cupboard and the radio is hidden in its usual place. When the Germans enter the room, Fanny pretends to be dying and "dies" in front of their eyes. As they are looking for René, Gruber orders the soldier to look for him elsewhere, while he himself looks in the cupboard. He finds René, but shouts to the guard that the cupboard is empty. Then, he informs René that he is believed to be responsible for the poisoning and is to be shot. He also tells him to stay out of sight until they have found the real culprit.
Herr Flick comes to visit the colonel and is then introduced to captain Bertorelli. He orders the captain to leave, since what he is about to say is not intended for his ears. When he has left, herr Flick also complains of the security at the conference. Von Strohm tells him that they have René as a suspect and will shoot him. Herr Flick does not think he is the guilty party. Helga points out that there was a French general at the conference and herr Flick suspects him. The colonel's description of the general – that he has a big nose - is no good in herr Flick's eyes, since all French generals have big noses. Helga's description – that he is tall and dressed like a French general - is more than accurate to him and gives him big hope of catching him.
At the café, Edith tells Yvette that René and monseiur LeClerc are in the cellar with the French general, who is still out. In order to give René a free escape route, she tries to make colonel Von Strohm come upstairs with her (Gruber and Helga are also there, but they will not give René away). However tempting the colonel finds the offer, he must stay and wait for René to show up. The next moment, monsieur Alfonse enters the café with a big parcel. He gives it to Edith, explaining that it contains an undertaker's suit, which René can use as a disguise to get out of the café and go to Alfonse's mortuary, where he will hide him in a coffin. Edith goes downstairs with it, while officer Crabtree enters and gives a similar parcel to Yvette. It contains a policeman's uniform, with which René can disguise himself and leave the café.
When Edith and Yvette go down with the disguises, they find out that René is already disguised - as a French general. Since all French generals have "big noses", monsieur LeClerc has made him a false one out of plastic explosives. The fuse is buried in one of his nostrils. Yvette takes him upstairs to give him the chance of leaving by the backroom window. On his way between the kitchen and backroom doors, he is spotted by the three Germans, who think he is the French general they are looking for. Helga goes to report this to herr Flick, while the colonel and the lieutenant will try to keep the general in the café.
In the backroom, it turns out René cannot leave by the window, since the square is swarming with German soldiers and "a French general cannot be seen climbing out a window" as Yvette tells him. He must leave by the front door, but before this, he and Yvette have a quick cuddle - accidentally squashing his nose. As he tries to leave, he is stopped by the German officers, who ask him to sit down and share a glass of champagne with them. Gruber recognises him when Edith comes up from the cellar and points out his squashed nose to him. He tells the colonel of this who then also recognises him. As the false nose is tickling on René's real one, he sneezes, making the fuse stick out of the nostril. René does not notice this and when he is offered a cigarette by Gruber, he accidentally lights the fuse instead of the cigarette. Meanwhile, the Germans tell him they will hide him until the real general has been found. When he realises the fuse is lit, he tries to put it out, but in vain. Therefore, he removes it and throws it away, into the town square. Unfortunately, he throws it right at herr Flick, who, after the explosion, enters the café with his clothes in rags and faints inside the door.
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