Soup And Sausage

Soup And Sausage
Production Details
Written by	Jeremy Lloyd & Paul Adam
Director	Mike Stephens
Transmission Details
Airdate	2 March 1991
Continuity
Previous	Prior Engagements
Next	René Of The Gypsies

Plot

René is in the café, stuffing a string of sausages down his trousers. This is to lower them down to the airmen in the sewers, through the grating, for them to eat. Yvette comes in and gives him a jar of mustard to go with them and stuffs it down his other trouser leg. When Edith walks in on them and wonders what she is doing, René for once does not have an explanation to what they are doing and lets Yvette explain instead. When Edith has sent her into the kitchen, Michelle turns up. She explains that the airmen are trapped on a ledge in the sewers, just next to the outflow from the café, so nobody must flush the toilet (which somebody does at that same moment). While monsieur Alfonse is examining the grating to see if it can be opened, her girls are rebuilding madame Fanny's wheelchair, putting a tank underneath it. There will be soup in this tank, which they will pour down the grating for the airmen to drink. When LeClerc takes madame Fanny for her morning stroll in the wheelchair, they will stop over the grating and pour down the soup.

The next moment, Mimi comes downstairs and tells them that madame Fanny is gone, after she and Ernest had a row the night before. She has left a note, saying she has gone to her cousin in Avignon. Thus, they need somebody else to play madame Fanny, so they can get the wheelchair out without arousing suspicion. Michelle convinces Edith to play her mother and as she tries it, René even calls her "you silly old bat" - she is that convincing.

Monsieur Alfonse is examining the grating, when officer Crabtree comes upon him and asks what he is doing. As he explains, he also says the hinges of the grating are rusted shut. As he goes to tell Edith and René, Crabtree exchanges a few word with the airmen. As he comes into the café and informs René, Edith and Michelle of the bad news, he also says he might be able to break it open with his hammer and chisel. However, he cannot do it in the square in broad daylight, where the Germans can spot him. Michelle then suggests putting his hearse over the drain and work underneath it. As René points out that the sound of the banging would still be heard, Alfonse has an idea. If they would use René's old ice cream van, the machinery would make a loud enough noise to cover the banging sound. Michelle thinks it is a good idea and suggests the waitresses serve the ice cream. When René has been talked into it, he goes to feed the airmen with the sausages down his trousers. As René is letting the sausages down to the airmen, he is interrupted by lieutenant Gruber, who says his stomach is not well, probably from the cottage pie he ate at the café last night. When he spots the sausages coming out of René's trousers, René explains this by saying that the café disposes of bad food that has gone past its expiry date by throwing it down the drain.

In Herr Flick's headquarters, Von Smallhausen is about to make a copy of the painting. Herr Flick will then plant this forgery in colonel Von Strohm's office, where general Von Klinkerhoffen will find it, accuse the colonel of stealing it and send him to the Russian front. While Von Smallhausen makes the copy, Herr Flick goes to bring Helga some flowers.

However, Helga is about to go away for a few days, on a training course. To take her place while she is gone, a new girl has been assigned - private Elsa Bigstern (played by Louise Gold). As the general enters the ante room, where Helga is instructing her, he is quite impressed with her, since she is rather tall and seems to have a firm grip on things. Meanwhile, in the colonel's office, Von Strohm, Gruber and captain Bertorelli are discussing the new girl. The next moment, when she announces the general, even he jumps at her loud yelling. He complains to the three officers that the painting has not yet been found and he urges them to find it soon - or he might send them all to the Russian front. Then, he leaves the room.

Herr Flick is surprised not to find Helga in the ante room, but when Elsa explains that Helga has gone on a course and that she has taken over her duties for the moment, he asks her out instead. She goes into the office to ask permission. The three officers think it is a perfect opportunity to plant a spy close to Herr Flick. Thus, the colonel orders her to accept the invitation and try to find out anything about the painting. As she comes out into the ante room again, she accepts the invitation and Herr Flick orders her to come to his secret headquarters that same evening.

Officer Crabtree informs the airmen that they will pour down some soup to them and with nothing better to drink it from, they both decide to use their boots to collect it in. However, as Carstairs' boots both have holes in them, he decides to use his cap instead. As monsieur LeClerc wheels madame Edith (playing her own mother) out and starts pouring the soup down the drain, René discovers it is the wrong grating. While the airmen also discover this, they go over to the grating where the soup is coming, but meanwhile, René tells LeClerc that it is the grating, stops the pouring and pushes the wheelchair over to the right one. Since the airmen does not manage to get any of the soup at the other grating and discover the soup pouring down the first one too late, they do not get back to that one in time before there is no more soup and thus, they are left without any.

As Elsa comes to Herr Flick's headquarters, he orders Von Smallhausen to hide in the cupboard. However, as Elsa is ordering and bossing him around and even forces herself upon him, he cries for help, but Von Smallhausen says he is on his own.

René drives the ice cream truck out into the square and stops it just above the grating. The waitresses are in the back, ready to sell ice cream. Monsieur Alfonse is with them, getting ready to start hammering on the rusty hinges of the grating. Then, he will also attach a hook on a wire to the grating and use the engine to try to raise the grating from the ground. Meanwhile, Von Strohm, Gruber and Bertorelli come to the café and order three glasses of champagne. As they are sitting there, the general arrives, complaining that they are not looking for the painting. He is also wondering what the ice cream truck is doing in the middle of the square, without permission. The Germans therefore summon René and demand an explanation. After a while, he manages to get the Germans' approval for the ice cream truck and they even decide to have some ice cream themselves. As Yvette is about to make one for the general, the machine breaks and squirts melted ice cream all over the general and some on the colonel and lieutenant.