Swan Song

Swan Song
Production Details
Written by	Jeremy Lloyd & Paul Adam
Director	John B. Hobbs
Transmission Details
Airdate	1 March 1992
Continuity
Previous	A Fishful Of Francs
Next	Gone With The Windmill

Plot

The German general Von Karzibrot explains to Edith (whom he thinks is Hitler) that he will not stand idly by and watch Germany being destroyed by the führer's stupid war, whereupon he sentences him (her) to be shot. She tries to explain who she really is, but it is no use. However, just as the Germans are about to fire, they are interrupted by a British expeditionary force, who start firing at the Germans. They retreat, leaving Edith and René to the British. They are somewhat surprised but glad to pick up Hitler and Göring themselves. However, when they are all riding in the back of a lorry, to go the British headquarters, it turns out that one of the British speak a little French. Thus, they manage to communicate. The British get rather surprised to learn that Hitler is a woman and that "he" is married to Göring. However, when the British understand they are not the real Hitler and Göring, they simply throw them off the lorry. They are then forced to walk back to Nouvion.

Monsieur LeClerc staggers into the café and explains to Mimi, Yvette and madame Fanny what has happened. As they all think Edith and René are dead, Fanny decides that the café is now hers. Therefore she orders LeClerc to take all the money from the till, after which they will run away to Paris together. Since it is night and the last train to Paris has gone, Fanny decides they will take the ice cream truck and fuel it with alcohol.

As René and Edith are walking down the road and have got out of the uniforms and taken some old ragged clothes off two scarecrows, they hear a car approaching. They try hitching a ride, but the car swooshes right by them. René is somewhat surprised to recognize his old ice cream truck, with Fanny and LeClerc in it. Meanwhile, Yvette and Mimi fight over who will be in charge of the bar, but they are soon interrupted by Michelle, officer Crabtree and monsieur Alfonse, who have all gathered in the café, to mourn and remember René and Edith. Then Michelle decides to take over the bar and immediately raises the price for a bottleof wine from 200 to 400 francs. People are reluctant to pay the higher price, of course, but after she has fired a few shots with her pistol over their heads, nobody refuses to buy the wine at the higher price.

In the same night, colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber find a parcel and a note in their office. It is from Juan Garcia and the parcel contains flamenco dancers' dresses for them to disguise themselves in, in order to flee to Spain with him. However, there is soon a change of plan. As Helga enters the room, the ask her to "produce her booby", since they are now going to sell the painting. However, she informs them of her dinner with herr Flick and that he wants to trade the paintingn for the ransom money, which is now in his care. At first, the colonel refuses, since the painting is worth much more than ten million francs, but Gruber points out, that they are better off with the money, so they can flee to Spain. Hence, the general gives in and they ask Helga to inform herr Flick, that they will meet him in the backroom at the café the next evening.

As Michelle and officer Crabtree are singing for the customers, René and Edith return. They are not glad to hear, that Michelle has taken over the café and that Fanny and LeClerc have gone to Paris. As they drive everybody out of the café, in order to close up, Michelle, Crabtree and Alfonse take what little money is left in the till, as wages for their running the café, since the resistance are short of cash, now that they have lost the ten million francs in the dogfish. Due to this, they have sent the photograph to general Von Klinkerhoffen, but that will not make them any money, which is why they need that which comes from the till. When Michelle, Crabtree and Alfonse have gone, the others lock up for the night.

The next morning, the colonel and the lieutenant are in their office, when a ladder is raised against their balcony wall. It is René, who warns them that the photograph has been sent to the general. The colonel then demands René hide them in the café until the evening, when they are leaving with Juan Garcia and his flamenco troupe for Spain.

In herr Flick's headquarters, he is going over his plan with Von Smallhausen. He tells him, that he does not intend to give the colonel and the lieutenant the hole ten million francs. Instead, he orders Von Smallhausen to cut paper into the size of thousand franc notes, which they will mostly fill the attaché case, in which the money are to be handed over, with. Only the top cover will be real money, to fool the others.

Since madame Fanny and monsieur LeClerc have gone, René hides the two German officers in their room. Von Strohm has to sit in the commode with a chamber pot over his head, while Gruber lies in bed, dressed up as madame Fanny. When general Von Klinkerhoffen comes looking for them and even comes into the bedroom, Gruber very actively plays the part of madame Fanny, cursing and spitting on the general.

In the evening, Helga and herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen enter the café, asking to be brought into the backroom. While waiting for this, herr Flick reveals his plan with the false money to Helga. When they are let into the backroom, the find Gruber and Von Strohm, dressed in flamenco dresses. Von Smallhausen puts the attaché case on the table and shows the money. Then, Gruber produces the painting, which they have wrapped in newspapers for safekeeping. He reveals a little hole in the newspaper, so that one can see only one of the boobies on the painting. Herr Flick asks Helga if she thinks it is "a real booby", which she does. When he asks to see more of the painting, Von Strohm asks to see more of the money. Since nobody is willing to show anymore, it stops at that and the painting and the money switch owners. When the two officers have left through the window, herr Flick intends to celebrate his "double-cross of the century". However, he is just just as double-crossed as Von Strohm and Gruber, because when he unwrappes the newspaper, there is no painting inside it - only the booby which Helga took from it. Angrily, the three of them hurry after Von Strohm and Gruber.

Meanwhile, Yvette is desperately waiting for doctor Leconte. As she and René are about to elope, he has promised to give them some ration books and this is the last thing they need for their elopement. When the doctor finally shows up, he informs Yvette that she is not pregnant after all. The reason he thought so in the first place was because he had mixed up her pregnancy test with another one. At this news, Yvette starts crying, since her pregnancy was the one catch she had on René to make him do as she wanted and elope with her (if he did not agree to the elopement, she would announce to everybody, that he was the father of her child). Without the pregnancy, she has no catch on him, and she realises there will be no elopement. However, when the doctor has gone, they realise that everything is perfect at the moment. Yvette has avoided the shame of having a bastard child, Edith and René are safe and sound after they were nearly executed, lieutenant Gruber and colonel Von Strohm are gone and the war will soon be over.

Trivia

• This episode marks the last appearance of Richard Gibson as herr Otto Flick. In series nine, this character would be played by David Janson.